Love Hate Relationships

Everyone has them and for anyone that knows me and my music they understand this all too well. I am a perfectionist. I know I know, you would NEVER had guessed! :-) But it's true. So much so that I can seem very much like I don't follow through with things, that I quit a lot, or change my mind like the wind changes direction. Many of these things are realizations that I am just now making and am excited at the possibility of what I may be able to accomplish when I'm not allowing my perfectionism or what I used to think of as failures keep me from moving forward and enjoying the ride of life. So what does this have to do with the price of eggs? Dave and I have recently been talking about what we aren't doing in our lives that we used to that brought us joy. For me, this is my music and playing my bass. My Patriarchal Blessing out right tells me what a blessing improving my talent for music will be in my life and it is the one thing that I haven't touched in YEARS!!! So why should I deny myself joy any longer! It's silly really. I had an epiphany in church last Sunday. I asked myself why I cut myself off from Heavenly Father and the Savior. The answer was because I feel like a failure, so if I don't include them in my life, through daily prayer and scripture study, then I'm not really failing them. So false! During sacrament I found a bookmark that I had bought on my mission and the last part of it says, with the Lord speaking, "I will not forget thee, I will not fail thee." And it hit me like a ton of bricks! As long as I am striving (key word) to live the gospel and keep the commandments, then Christ can't fail me nor I Him, because the Plan of Salvation is perfect! It is perfect. I don't have to be, because it is. I just have to try and strive! Isn't it great! Since this little epiphany which has made such a huge difference in my life, I have found a string shop in Chandler that specializes in basses, I have a friend in Idaho that is arranging some hymns for me for bass, and I was able to get back into contact with my bass teacher that helped start me on this musical journey way back in 1988! It has been uplifting and an absolute delight to start bringing music back into my life.

The picture is sentimental as well, although not representative of the same bass. I used to go to the symphony all the time when we lived in Albuquerque. One because music was my life and two because my teacher played in it. Anyway, one of the members, Mark, had and still does from what I can tell, a five string bass and the scroll was carved as a lions head. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever laid eyes on. Remember that string shop I was telling you about in Chandler...yep, they have one. It is a standard 4 string, but beautiful all the same! I am truly seeing how important it is to stay close to the spirit because the Lord communicates with us in so many different and sometimes very little ways...we just may miss something and miss out on pure joy!